Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
