I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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