He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My feet surprised me
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