you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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