i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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