Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
