have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
high people should be assigned attendants
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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