Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
