well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
