i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
