I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
