Don't you send me to vm
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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