yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
