so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
