I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
