My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
