The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
