I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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