i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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