just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
