why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
