dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
