Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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