I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
