It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
