Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
