We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
