I feel great
I just peed on a car
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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