she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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