she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize