whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
