You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
