three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
