I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
