you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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