I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
