Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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