A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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