We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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