No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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