i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
