Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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