My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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