i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
