Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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