Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
