4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Houston, we have a blender
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
