it was like his penis was on wheels.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
