What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
