The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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