i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
