ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
50% drunk capacity currently
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
